Getting Healthy Journey Post 4

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged. I didn't understand why I couldn't get anything out. But after today, I get it. So, here we go.

I have said while losing weight I will blog about what is revealed to me that I need to work on. So the past few weeks there have been incidents that have revealed how big of an affect my selfishness and unwillingness to change has on others, not just me. For so long, I would hide my emotions of being upset or pissed off about something. If someone made me upset or did something I didn't care for or change something in a way I didn't like, I would act as though everything was ok. But once I got home, I would let out how I felt or I would be quiet and think about what happened. For a while I've been asking God to show me myself. I've asked Him to let me know what I need to work on. Well, some things have happened lately and it was things I didn't like or wasn't fond of. So as a result, my emotions of being pissed have been exuding from me and affecting others. In response to me letting someone know that I'm still trying to process things, I was told that I need to let it go. That I need to move passed what's happened or changed. But my question to that is, how do you honestly let something go or get passed something?

Honestly, at first I was thinking people knew me as this nice, sweet, cool with everything person. So, I felt that everyone expected me to be that way ALL the time. Why can't I have my moment while at home? Why couldn't I have a day of being pissed? Why couldn't I have a day of being in my emotions? I was tired of putting on a smile for everyone. I was tired of feeling as though no one treated me as I treated them. But during church, it really hit me. I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. This was God showing me....ME! I'm still working on MASTERING MY EMOTIONS. I have an issue and I have to stay prayerful with this.

In one of my posts, I talked about not looking IN the mirror. That I was just looking AT the mirror. I realized this not only is something needed naturally, but spiritually as well. I have realized that I have been looking AT certain areas of my spiritual life but I haven't looked IN the mirror. And since I haven't been looking IN the mirror, God had to put this issue IN my face. So now I have no choice but to deal with it now that it has been brought to my attention. I KNOW this will be a process. But I'm willing and ready to deal with this head on.

So, now to my weight loss. Within the past few weeks, I have gained 1 pound, lost that 1 pound, lost .2 of a pound, and this week I lost 1 pound. I'm still moving forward with this losing weight. It has been a struggle but I'm willing to continue. Although I have been losing weight, I haven't kept up with my exercising nor sleeping well like I used to. So this week I will be changing some things in my daily regimen in order to do better with both my weight loss and spiritual life.

I hope this blog helps someone who reads it. If you have any questions and/or comments, email me at jay.robin10@gmail.com or leave your questions/comments in the comment area.

Getting Healthy Journey Post 3

This post is being written and posted A LOT later than I anticipated. But here we go...

I went to my weight watchers meeting Saturday and became devastated. I got on the scale and the check-in lady told me that I had GAINED a pound. I was devastated because I was thinking, although a couple of days I went over my points (due to traveling and being busy), I worked out 4 of 7 days this week. Where did I go wrong? How did I gain a pound? I was so sad, mad, hurt, confused, etc., that I didn't know if I wanted to continue. So much was going through my mind in that split second that I didn't hear the next thing she said to me. After snapping out of it, I asked her to repeat herself. She said, "You've made it through 4 weeks, would you like to be recognized for that?" I said yes not totally grasping what was said. I found a seat for the meeting. Sat there and waited for the meeting to start. The meeting began with recognizing people for different things. Different people lost 5 pounds or more. I was thinking, " Should I keep going?" Then I heard my name. "Jaymi Robinson? Did she stay for the meeting?" I raised my hand. The meeting leader said, "Let's give Jaymi a hand! She has made it through 4 weeks of weight watchers!" I smiled and received the charm key chain that she handed me. But as I stated in Getting Healthy Journey Post 1, I'm working on mastering my emotions. And honestly, I was ALL up in my emotions. I was still in shock that I had GAINED weight. After the meeting, I went home and stayed there for a while. I eventually moved on (to an extent emotionally) and kept tracking my points but didn't care if or how many points I went over.

The day before I was talking to my pastor and while we were talking, something was pointed out to me. "There is power in your choice". This helped me to realize that even though things may not be the way I want them to be, the greatness comes in the choice I KNOW I should or need to make. As the Word of God says, "...the Holy Spirit will bring things back to your remembrance...." (paraphrased...scripture is John 14:26). Although it was later that week, God reminded me of the conversation my pastor and I had. And that's when I changed my mindset. So what....I gained a pound. But with making a choice, I had made it through 4 WEEKS!!! Yes, continuously making the choice and conscious effort to track what I eat/ate, exercising, and simply...not giving up is what has gotten me to this point. So, have I exercised like I did last week? NO. But I'm glad to say, I have stopped emotionally eating (naturally and spiritually) because of gaining 1 pound.

I hope that as you read this post, that you realize that though you may not be in a place where you want to be...don't give up. Try to look at the positive in your life because of the choice(s) you've made. Believe it or not, your choices are the reason you are at the point you are in your life. Although there are things that happen to us that we have no control over, the thing that matters is, HOW WILL YOU REACT TO IT? WHAT CHOICE WILL YOU MAKE?

Remember to read, share, and comment. Email me if you have any questions or want me to explain something more.... jay.robin10@gmail.com

Thanks for reading☺

Mr. and Mrs. Robinson

So...last weekend (May 3) I was able to witness the ceremony of my brother, Corey, and his wife, Brittiny. They have been married since November but decided to have their ceremony May 3. The wedding was so beautiful. There is so much I want to say about these 2 people that I'm not sure how long this blog will be....so fair warning...THIS WILL LIKELY BE A LONG BLOG!!!

So....here's some background......

Corey L. Robinson. He's my brother! We are 5 or 6 years apart. The first memory I have of my brother is us going to the hospital, naming him, and feeding him. I was so excited because I became a big sister that day, December 8th. Can't remember the year. Throughout the years, we have gotten along, fought and argued. But what's ALWAYS been present has been LOVE. Witnessing my brother say his vows and "I do" to his wife was the most amazing moment ever! At that moment I realized that my little brother had grown up, for real! A lot of times we want to keep people a certain age. We want to continue remembering how someone was years ago. But at that moment I couldn't fight the fact that....my brother had become a wonderful man of God. I don't talk to him much because of the distance. Corey, I want you to know I am so proud of you. You are going on with life. You are moving forward. Continue to do so. Continue to follow God in EVERYTHING you do. Be obedient to Him. Keep God first.

The better half of this union is, Brittiny Brown Robinson. So, one day I was told my brother had a girlfriend. My mind began going 100 miles a second. I was wondering... Who is she? What does she do? Is she in school? Does she have a job? Is she lazy? Will I like her? Is she the one for my brother? Yeah...just like a big sister would wonder...right? At the beginning of their relationship, I didn't come around much. I honestly can't remember why but it definitely had nothing to do with her. As time went on, I would at times go to my mom's a day or two over the weekend or something. At times, Brittiny would be there. We had a few interactions. She seemed cool. But what I could notice from what I observed is that she is intelligent, strong, caring, observant, faith-filled, prayerful, and most importantly a woman of God. As the time has went on, we have exchanged numbers and had many, many conversations. Everything I observed of her is true. But now I can add friend, confidant, sister, and wonderful mate for my brother. Brittiny, I want to say thanks for our conversations. You are great, powerful, and very capable. Stay encouraged. Continue praying and following Christ.

So....the wedding.....

First question, who knew Ohio had a city named Louisville?? I didn't until I got the invitation to the wedding. Second question, a wedding on a farm??? Lord, what will this look like??? Will cows and chickens be roaming around? A farm? But to my surprise....this venue was the most beautiful place!! Everything was beautiful from the weather to decorations. Seeing my brother stand in the front waiting for his wife was amazing to see. I smile every time I think about it. That's when I noticed he was a grown up. Then the wedding party came in. It was a mixture of their lives coming together. And then it was time for Brittiny to walk down the aisle. She did something I've never seen before but was so beautiful. She had 4 women, who I assume, are spiritual mothers and/or sisters to her. They walked her halfway down the aisle. Then her dad met her once they stopped and walked her down the rest of the aisle. They said "I do" and vows. And the greatest line of the night and I quote, "By the authority vested in me as a minister of this state and your pastor, I pronounce you husband and wife. Now keep doing what you've been doing." Who said this? Apostle Steven L. Best. After they kissed and the wedding party walked out, it was time for pictures. Pictures were taken. Then we were able to go for the reception. OMGoodness! Talk about a barn being transformed! There was an area for the buffet food lines. We got mason jars that had handles. There was a candy bar. And the greatest...a PHOTO BOOTH!!!! They also had corn hole and giant connect 4. I didn't play any of the games but I did enjoy myself. Especially seeing the smiles on their faces!

I would like to say to Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. Follow God. Continue to pray and seek God together for your marriage. I love you both so much! Hope to visit you all again....sooner than later.

Getting Healthy Journey Post 2

So.... This has been a VERY long and busy weekend, which is why I haven't written or posted anything. My brother got married...well....had his wedding ceremony!! All info on that will come in another post.

So, I had to go to my weight watchers meeting on Friday instead of Saturday due to going out of town. It was different but I actually had fun going. We were supposed to bring in recipes to share with each other. I got so many different ideas....that I will eventually try! At this meeting I was recognized for losing at least 5 pounds since I my start date!!! I lost 4.6 pounds last week. A total of 8.2 pounds in 2 weeks!!!! It's so amazing to see and feel this transformation happening!

As I told you all, I am going to reveal things that are revealed to me as I go through this journey. Something I realized this past week is that, it's okay to do things by myself! Yes, I said it. It's okay to have fun and explore alone. When I think about MY perspective of my life, I remember ALWAYS trying to "fit in" with everyone. I felt like a loner during most of my life, whether childhood or adult. I could never seem to be cool enough to really be in the "in" crowd. I was a likeable person. But was never really invited to things with those who I considered my "friends" at that time. This was those from school and church.

I realized that I've always tried to "act" like others or do what others would do. I would try to not be me so much that now I'm grown and have NO CLUE what I really like. I would do things that others liked to do to please them and keep "friends". I never thought or asked myself, "What do I want to do?".

Last week I walked the legacy trail by myself, of course not the whole trail but 2 miles. I really enjoyed it! The weather was beautiful. I had my phone and headphones to listen to music and I walked my 2 miles. I don't like to be in the wild or nature much but it was so calming, reassuring, and literally BEAUTIFUL!! Calming because the wind was blowing peacefully every now and then, the sun was shining but not too much, and everyone respected each other on the trail as people passed each other. Reassuring because I was able to view nature and how God provides for each of the animals, fields, etc. Also that I was by myself, doing something for myself, and enjoying it. And beautiful because it just....was/is.

Walking by myself was one thing I did for me and shows me that, I am loving me more and more each day. This may not seem big to others, but it's HUGE to/for me. I am single and have no children. Who else (right now) should I be pleasing or getting to know besides God? ME! Whenever the day comes that I meet the one God has for me, how will he know what I like or don't like if I don't know?

So, to sum up this blog. Get to know YOU if YOU don't know you. Whether you are single or not. Do things for YOU and sometimes it's best if you do those things ALONE. BE YOU! #LEARNINGTOLOVEME #LEARNINGTOBEME

If you have any questions and/or comments, email me at jay.robin10@gmail.com. Put BLOG READER in the subject line. Hope you enjoyed the post. Hope it helped you.

Getting Healthy Journey Post 1

So, I think every blog I've posted thus far, I have explained how this year is about me. Well, here goes some more info about my journey thus far. I am what the medical field calls, morbidly obese. I am about 100 pounds over the ideal weight for my height. Am I happy about this fact...truth... reality? No. I actually have not been happy about the fact that I've been overweight for most of my life. I look back at #TBT (Throwback Thursday) pictures and wish I could be that size again. I even make the comment, "I was considered fat back then!" Which is the truth.

So now the question is, "What am I going to do about losing weight?" I've got to do it somehow. I'm tired of looking at the mirror and not in the mirror. I'm tired of going clothes shopping and coming out with only underclothes because my size clothes aren't available or don't look right on me or cost too much. I'm tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. The list goes on and on. I, most times, put on a face that I'm okay with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm growing and learning to love me. But I want to love a healthier me, not just a skinny me. I beginning to love me enough to care about my health because it's a concern that I have. I cannot do it for someone else. I have realized that. For me, being healthy includes mind, spirit, and body. In order to become a healthier me, I have to first notice what needs to be changed. As I work on this, I will blog about something that has been pointed out to me that I need to work on. As a heads up, I will be VERY transparent in these blogs. So, here we go.

One thing I noticed about myself is that I was/am an emotional eater. In the words of one of my friends, "Master your emotions". I am getting better at this. Mastering your emotions simply means.... DON'T ACT OUT OF YOUR EMOTIONS. This doesn't just mean when someone makes you mad, don't cuss them out. Or don't try to get vengence because that's God's thing to handle. But I had to realize mastering my emotions also included the way I eat naturally and spiritually. What does that look like? I'm glad you asked. Natural example, because I feel lonely or happy or pissed, don't sit and binge on food. Spiritual example, because something is being said that I don't completely understand or want to hear, I tune everything out. Unless God tells me otherwise, I have to be ready and willing to hear/eat what needs to be said to me whether I want to or not. After hearing/eating, I talk(pray) WITH God about it.

These are things that I have and at times still do struggle with. A lot of times, things happen and I want to give a person a good talking to or as some say a good ole tongue lashing. Or because I simply went to the doctor and they told me I have high blood pressure AND type 2 diabetes at 31 years old, I wanted to go home and eat all the food my stomach could and couldn't handle. Or because my pastor is telling me something I really don't want to hear but need to hear, I want to hang up the phone and hear nothing else she has to say. These are examples of my struggles with mastering my emotions. All of these examples affect my health. We as humans have emotions, and that's okay. But work through your emotions before speaking, making a decision, or picking up that bag of chips.

So in the efforts to stop naturally overeating, I have joined weight watchers! NEVER thought I would ever say that. But, I'm so glad I did. I am alloted so many points a day. And I have a certain amount of overage points for the week if I need them. I am proud to say that I have used the overage points only ONE day and it was only 3 points out of 49 that I used. I have not started to work out yet, but it's on the agenda starting today!! So, in ONE WEEK I have lost FOUR POUNDS!!!! I was so nervous but at the same time excited to weigh in. I now understand why the meetings are so imporant. I get enouraging words from others. I'm in a room full of no judgement. The people have been or are currently where I am. Which is simply to lose weight while getting healthy. It has blown my mind how many people come out to a meeting at 7:30 in the morning on a SATURDAY!!! But we all come together to encourage each other and give new ideas. I am surprisingly doing something new and loving it.

Well, that's all I have for today. I hope this encourages everyone who reads this. If you want to join weight watchers, let me know BEFORE you do. I think there is a possible way for both of us to get ONE month free if I refer you!! So, email me at jay.robin10@gmail.com. Use the subject of Weight Watchers Referral. If you have any questions or comments, please do leave a comment below or email me with the subject of Blog Reader. Make today a great one. And remember, MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.
 

Trust

Lately I have been thinking A LOT about my life. What it has looked like. And now currently what it looks like. I told my best friend today, "I don't know how to be happy or live life." I already knew that she was gonna give me an answer that I needed to hear but so didn't want to hear...lol! She said, "You have to get to a place where you trust God completely. A place where you trust that He has everything in control. Give up control. You have a control issue." <-- A mouthful, right?

But she was right on point. I never thought I had control issues....until she said that. It makes so much sense. Some people who know me, know that I have a HUGE issue with change. And it's the type of change that I can't control. Honestly, I have been totally lost because my life looks NOTHING like I thought it would. Right now. I am 31 years old. Single. No children. Finances aren't where I'd like them to be. Such is life. MY thoughts were that I'd be married by now with 1 or 2 children at least. Finances great. And take family trips. Sometimes just me and the hubby trips. And working on the vision God gave me when I was a teenager.

But when I really look at me and my life circumspectly (thanks Recina), I realize I am in NO place to add people to my life. A husband nor children. And I'm still learning how to be a good steward of my finances and life in general. As I think of these things, I realize that God knows what He's doing. I'm appreciative of how my life is at this moment. I don't understand why I haven't learned lessons earlier, but God knows. And I have to walk in COMPLETE trust IN Him. This journey I am on feels so long. But I'm in the right place at the right time. And beginning to ask the right questions to the right people at the right time.

So, if you don't COMPLETELY trust God for and in EVERYTHING in your life, ask Him to help you get to that point. Don't be discouraged by the things that may come your way. Your faith and trust and request WILL be tried by fired. But if you hold on to God and follow His command and His Word, you WILL SURELY come out as pure gold.

Changes

We go through life meeting people, having friends, and just going on with everyday life. And then the inevitable happens, change. We never realize how much we depend on or get used to someone or something until change happens. Change will always happen because it's within the process/progression of life. But to be honest, sometimes we're not always ready for the way things may change.

There have been so many changes in my life recently that I don't think I can count them. These changes have truly affected my life. I have struggled with the changes. I've had sleepless nights. I've cried myself to sleep. I've questioned God as in to what's the purpose of this change or that change. And there's one thing I've learned with all of this. I can't change who I am or the fact that things bother me the way they do. But i can change the way I REACT to the change.

I've learned, it's ok to be sad, mad, angry, happy, delighted, etc. But do NOT act out of those emotions. A lot of times when something new happens, people often react as in to how they feel at that time. But that's when you get people saying something that they really don't mean. It feels good to say at that time. There have been a few times I've wanted to say a few choice words....lol. But I learned from my pastor, don't act/react out of my emotions. We all have probably been hurt by someone in that way. But if we would take the time to cool off and then react, we would be better off.

This also goes for things that we get excited about. There are times we get great news or offers, but we don't think things through and end up in a situation where we don't want to be and can't/don't know how to get out of it.

So, i wrote this blog to let you know, it's ok to have and deal with your emotions. Just don't react out of your emotions. I hope this blog helps someone. #STILLLEARNING

Get closer to Him!

It's been over a month since I've posted. I've always felt that blogging was something people did because they had something important to say. But I just realized that blogging is a great way to get things out. It doesn't matter who reads my blog or even if anyone reads them. So my thought in this moment is to at least type up blogs on a more consistent basis and post them when the time is right.

Now with that said, let the blogging continue.....lol!!!

Lately I've been thinking about something that a lot of us have heard for YEARS!! "Jesus is coming back soon!" Now, I am 31 years old. I know there are others who have heard that saying longer than I have. But I want you all to think about something. Those who you FIRST heard say that when you were a child, are they still living? A LOT of the people I heard say that have passed away. One day God dropped this thought in me. "'Jesus is coming back soon' doesn't just mean the rapture. Think about all those who you heard say it. They have passed away. Because they were close enough to Me that they knew their time was winding up. They didn't know the day nor hour that would be their last breath, but they knew that THEIR end was near."

So, don't think I'm negating that Jesus is coming back as in the rapture. The rapture will happen. But I encourage you to begin living IN and FOR Christ as though tomorrow is not promised....because to our knowledge, it's not. We are only living because God continues to give us the breath of life and has given us grace and mercy each day. Get closer to Him. Commune with Him on a REGULAR and CONSISTENT basis (concept coming in another blog). Have your OWN relationship with God. Stop using other people's relationship with God as a crutch. In the words of my pastor, " Get your big boy/big girl panties on!" Get to know Christ for YOURSELF! How can you work out your OWN soul salvation with fear and trembling when your relationship with Christ isn't your own??? Remember, God knows the mess you've been in, will do, have thought about, and much more. But yet He still has His arms open waiting for you to come to Him. You need Him to help you get things right. YOU CANNOT CLEAN YOURSELF UP! YOU NEED GOD! If you could get things right on your own, wouldn't you be "right" by now??? Lean on Him. Learn to trust Him.

If anyone reads this, I hope you adhere to what has been said. We can all get closer to God no matter what our relationship with God looks like. #LEARNINGTOBEME

Love Without Filters

Throughout life, we have experiences that have us look at love the wrong way. We may expect love from others in a way that is not feasible. We may love others in a way that is not Godly love.

I recently preached a sermon entitled, "Love Without Filters". The filters are the emotions, pain, hurt, happiness, etc. caused by experiences. Example, because someone who was supposed to "love" you hurts you, it's hard for you to "love" other people who remind you of that person. That's loving through a filter. We all have dealt with it at some point in time. The thing is..... we need to LEARN how to Godly LOVE. And the only way to do that is to obey God. Read the Word of God. Lean on God. A lot of us think and sometimes say, "I just don't know if I can look at people the same" or "I don't know if I can get over that hurt or pain". Trust me, I TOTALLY understand those thoughts. But God is with you. His Word says, He will never leave nor forsake you. His Word says, Cast ALL your cares upon Him. So as a believer of Jesus Christ, why do you have an issue with believing and doing these things? I can't answer that question for you.

God sent His ONLY begotten Son to die on the cross for your sins. Even though He knew of the betrayal, evil, sneaky, hurtful, etc. things you would do, He still showed unconditional love and died on the cross. Who better to learn love from than, LOVE Himself, God.

I am currently still in the process of learning how to Godly LOVE others. I have dealt with pain, hurt, rejection, and much more through this process. And I'm realizing that God's way is the BEST way. It may hurt and feel horrible now. But in the end, God has plans of good and not of evil for me. He has predestined, called, justified, and glorified me, even with knowing all the things I'd go through in life.

As I stated at the beginning of the year, I have to do things for me right now. I can no longer people please. I have to be me and obey what God says. This process will be hard, but with God..... I WILL LEARN HOW TO LOVE WITHOUT FILTERS.

I've got the answers.......

The past couple of weeks have been mentally exhausting. There has been so much on my mind. Should I do this? Should I do that? When? Why? Where?....... and so much more.

But today with different conversations and events happening, some of those questions have been answered. I thank God for being faithful to answer and confirm things for me. Although the answer is here, it doesn't mean it makes doing the answer easy.

There are times that we make decisions that make living out the consequences hard. A wise woman told me, "We are responsible for the consequences of our disobedience. God is responsible for the consequences of our obedience." This statement has so much weight to it. And I have found it to be true. Honestly, I have been holding off on doing some things that I am supposed to do. I thank God for His mercy. Because even in the holding off, God has been showing me things.

Even though some of these things will change my life completely, I will do what God says to do. No more trying to figure out how to go about doing things. No more waiting. I've got to think about what God wants me to do and say.... and actually..... do what He says. #LEARNINGTRUELOVE

This year...

This year began differently than any other year in my life. For once I went into a year with the mindset of, this is my year. This is the year for and about me. I've realized throughout my life, it's always been about other people. I've never really taken time out for myself. I'm a person who wants everyone to have a great time. I'd rather make it to where others are happy, even at the cost of my happiness and time. But one day it clicked for me. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO BE A PEOPLE PLEASER!!

I thought that if I did what people wanted, I would be accepted and loved. But I now realize that no matter what I do or don't do, some will accept and love me for who I am and some will not. At one point, I felt as though I didn't deserve to be happy. That everyone else should be happy and I just help them be happy. That no one should or did worry/care about me... so why should I? And what's hit me in this moment is that the most important thing missing is the acceptance and love I should have of and for myself! Which is why I say that this is my year. This year is about me. No longer will I be a "door mat". No longer will I do things ONLY to make people happy. I will be more assertive. I will do things that make me happy. I will make goals for ME and accomplish them.

I WILL LOVE ME! I WILL LOVE ME! I WILL LOVE ME!